1/19/05

Softball: The Perils of Regulatory Reform

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s tumultuous 22-18 triumph of aerobic law over the forces of chaos. The gist of our tale is that when my team inexplicably pulled ahead of Broh’s 19-9 in the 7th, this automatically triggered the deeply resented Mercy Rule, in which a team leading by 10 runs is docked one out (i.e.…giving them 2 outs total with which to extend their slaughter), whereas the sorry sack of losers who are trailing by 10 runs is granted an additional out (i.e.….giving them 4 outs total with which to regain their dignity).

Admittedly, it’s not a perfect solution, and last week showed it needs tweaking, but for all the confusion and fear, the rule seems to have worked (i.e.…the hemorrhaging stopped, and the game ended close). Alas though, our distinguished little group of neuroscientists, geophysicists, biologists, various academics, kick-ass entrepreneurs, professional gamblers and sundry other whiz kids frantically reacted to this simple harmonizing adjustment as if all the unresolved theorems of advanced differential calculus had just been foisted upon them, leaving the count, the total number of outs, and even the score in an epistemological haze of speculative unknowitude. Frankly, and nothing personal, but I think a bunch of clinically diagnosed retards would have mastered the basic concepts with considerably more aplomb.

In any case, I now have to concede there is something aesthetically unseemly about triggering the rule INTRAinning, and while I hadn’t thought it through before, it became clear in the 8th when Jay Z sauntered cheerily to the plate, only to be told that his cherished at-bat was summarily cancelled due to the previous hit’s reestablishment of our 10-run lead. In all candor, the crestfallen look on Jay’s face reminded me of a famished but perfectly innocent tiger cub who’s just had his first morsel of freshly killed zebra snatched away by vultures. Yeah, I can’t stand predatory birds, and I’m not going to hide that here, but the real point is that I am now prepared to announce a dictatorial fiat in the grand Napoleanic traditions of moving Sport forward:

For now on, or at least until the community revolts again, any team that starts an inning with a 10 or more run lead will only have two outs, and any team that starts an inning with a 10 or more run deficit will be given four outs. No adjustments will be made if an inning does not have a 10 or more run lead when it’s begun.

I realize this is a brazen usurpation of powers that I may or may not legally possess. Still, sometimes ya just gotta’ do what ya gotta’ do, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond



1/20/05


Softball: A Quick Sellout

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, it is already full. As always, please let me know ASAP if you need to cancel, and for those who got in too late, you are welcome to call me later for updates.

$2 for the field/See ya Sunday…Raymond 845-7552

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