Softball: Diktat Dissolved (A Multimedia Example of How we Endure)
Dear People,
Let the record show that if Broh had not used his inimitable skills as an aerobic diplomat, we never would’ve played this past week, and thus Alan Brill’s team would never had gotten the opportunity to pulverize my own, 23-11. In that sense, the Brohster’s ironic achievement was a calamitous cantata of bittersweet herbs, and perhaps no one is more cognizant of this than Frank. Yeah, Frank.
As best I recall, the Frankensteiner was darting for 3rd in the bottom of the 1st when a searing throw to Stephan ricocheted off his glove and straight into our hero’s lower lip, instantly creating a bloody red gash the size of Livermore.
Fortunately, both Broh and Ruth were there to calmly administer seasoned medical triage, which allowed me to do my part by discretely barfing in the trees behind the bleachers. Frank, alas, was out for the rest of the match, but as he nursed his labial ouchy-pooh, it was clear that his mere presence on the bench was the inspirational stimulus that led Alan’s side to victory while simultaneously assuring that my own team utterly sucked.
In any case, I think it’s important to understand what Broh pulled off that fine gorgeous ’morn. I had been told by a mid-level city parks employee (a somewhat cranky older gentleman I’ll call “Mussolini”) that he would refuse to open up the park and not let us on because of a couple slightly muddy areas—this, despite the fact that over 99% of the field was dry, verdant and perfectly playable. I was numb, crestfallen and about to cancel the game when Broh phoned from the park around 9:30 to say that he was talking to a lower level city parks employee (a younger more hip guy I’ll call “the Dalai Lama”). Broh had Dalai walk through the magnificent Codornices grasses, where he could quickly see that Mussolini’s decision was somewhat “arbitrary,” or “random,” or “the most bogus judgment call in the history of human experience.”
Long story short: Broh used his irresistible charms to get Dalai to concede the obvious, and while he said he couldn’t officially reopen the field, he coyly told Broh that he would be leaving, and that no one from the city would be coming back that day! To my knowledge, this was the greatest diplomatic coup since Seward snagged Alaska from the Ruskies in 1867, and I mention that because even though I wasn’t there to see Broh work his magic, it so happens that the eminent Russian singer Eduard Khil was. Luckily, he quickly made a musical video of the words and irresistible wiles that the Brohlomat employed to save our game, and while I’m hardly a proficient translator, I do happen to know that in modern colloquial Russian, “Trololo” literally means “This grass is dry; What the fuck is the problem?” See for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC6D2g571fo&feature=related
The point is that we as a people are always facing threats, displacement, and random acts of piss-off, but I happen to believe that as long as we can rely on trios of great Americans like Broh, Dalai and the eminent Russian singer Eduard Khil, we will continue to persevere. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
3/17/10
Softball: An Overdue Return to Chez Pretentious
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now it is full. As always, if you committed and need to cancel, please let me know ASAP, and if you're looking for reopened slots, feel free to contact me later.
This week’s field fee is just $4, and that includes a delightful duck leg confit roasted in the wood oven with frisée salad, rosemary and white bean toasts, and I’m not saying that just because the selective abuse of both the English article system and nominal pluralization allows me to charge double…Raymond 845-7552
PS: Excellent news: I’ve received word that we are not going to be kicked off our homeland in April/May, as I had feared earlier and told some of you. As best I can tell, Cordornices is all ours, Sundays 11-1, from now thru September, and perhaps beyond. As I’ve always said, we have no greater allies as a people then the fine folks at the City of Berkeley’s inspiring Department of Parks and Recreation.