3/28/01

Softball: Resumption (Subtle Symptoms of a Rotting Mind)

Dear People,

I am well aware that you’ve had only one time in the last six weeks to engage in the aerobic release that brings cohesion and purpose to your otherwise utterly pointless lives. As you can imagine, knowing this has not been easy for me, and indeed, recently I have found myself consumed by guilt-laden dreams that are so intense and vivid that I sometimes suddenly awaken to the sound of my own nocturnal screams---piercing, shrill and always in Yiddish. Just last night, for example, I dreamt that I saw each and every one of you at our beloved Codornices Park, but rather than playing a vigorous game of softball, you were all floating naked and aimlessly in an enormous vat of semi-liquefied larding butters.

Oh sure, it would be natural for you to think that I’m just another pervo, but given the strain of the organizational guilt that I alone must bear, I would gently suggest that Sigmund Freud would think otherwise, and for that matter, so would Carl Jung and Sandy Koufax. No, there’s no reason for you to feel shame, but I do think you see my point.

In any case, and as most of you certainly know, this Sunday, April 1st, is the 202nd anniversary of the publication of Johann Carl Gauss’ seminal doctoral thesis on "The Fundamental Theorem of Algebra." I still get chills when I read how the Gaussmeister took on Loenhard Euler’s previous prerequisites for theoretical calculations, and in particular I find the following passage on Euler’s "proof" nearly breathtaking in mathematical scope:

[….if one carries out operations with these impossible roots, as though they really existed, and says for example, the sum of all roots of the equation xm+axm-1 + bxm-2 + . . . = 0 is equal to -a even though some of them may be impossible (which really means: even if some are non-existent and therefore missing), then I can only say that I thoroughly disapprove of this type of argument….]

Admittedly, the use of the bxm parameter only serves to obfuscate the main thrust of his claim. Still, note that ‘ol Gaussie does not call for Euler’s head, but merely states that he calmly "disapproves." When I reflect on the arrogance of the former’s supposition, this stunning display of restraint leaves me both teary-eyed and all the more verblüffte. And therefore, there will be a game at CODORNICES this SUNDAY at 5PM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…..Raymond

PS: Remember to set your clocks back one hour on Saturday night; If we start in a timely and Gaussiesque manner, there should be enough light for a 2+ hour game.

3/30/01

Softball: Details

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 5PM, and as of now, there are still a few slots available. Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only, includes a complimentary bud of medicinal marijuana from the personal and heretofore secret stash of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg….Raymond

PS: As you will recall, just two days ago I wrote you the following:

PS: Remember to set your clocks back one hour on Saturday night; If we start in a timely and Gaussiesque manner, there should be enough light for a 2+ hour game.

Perhaps not surprisingly, about 150 of you gently noted that any person who sets their clock back is not being particularly Gaussieseque in their strategy, but rather would be exhibiting behavior which is more reflective of your garden-variety village idiot. Lest you want to arrive just in time for the 9th inning, I now suggest that you set your clock one hour FORWARD. Sheesh….

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