3/30/05

Softball: The Mysteries of Arbitrary Stature

Dear People,

Going into the 7th inning, my team held a commanding 11-11 lead over Keith’s, and thus you could imagine my disappointment when we found ourselves down 25-12, just a couple innings later. And yet, as we came up to bat in the top of the 9th, I couldn’t help thinking that this was Easter Sunday, and if there was one team on our earth that could miraculously rise from the dead, it was mine. Perhaps it was because I had already survived that ghastly 1st inning experience of being hunted down by Youseef and Frank in a ruthless pickle. I suppose they were just doing their job, but in all candor, they made me feel like nothing more than a common rasorial warthog—rabid, despised, and utterly unclean.

For that alone, I knew that the Christmeister owed us one, and thus, with the four-out mercy rule and Jonny leading us off, I truly believed that we were poised on the solemn cusp of aerobic resurrection. In retrospect, of course, our dubious contingent of heathens, pagan lunes, and Godless sassy Hebrews was probably not an ideal group for currying the majestic succor of divine intervention, and thus it’s not surprising that ultimately, our final-inning rally fell just short of glory, 25-13.

In any case, this upcoming Sunday marks the 290th anniversary of the birth of John " ’ol forgotten-face " Hanson, who, despite what you think you know, was the first President of the United States. This towering symbol of the perfect $10,000 Jeopardy answer led the fledgling Articles of Confederation from November 3rd , 1781 to November 5th, 1782, and as such, his impact on American history is a deeply misunderstood hoot.

Sure, the Articles were an inevitable train wreck of untenable governance, and both technically and practically speaking, Hanson himself had no actual "power." Yet the simple truth is that this mysterious giant was America’s first Chief Executive, and rather than deny that, I think we should acknowledge that his very obscurity is an unacceptable dissing of the Pre-Constitutional order. At a minimum, I think we can all agree on that, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices, this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond


4/1/05

Softball: Your official DAYLIGHT SAVINGS Sport

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now, there are still, curiously, seven slots left. This means you are welcome to commit anyone you know, including your therapists, former jail mates and embittered ex-lovers.

Two important announcements:

1) I have a sneaking suspicion that AOL has been losing some of my mail recently, and thus as always, do not assume you have a slot after you commit until you get an OK back from me. If you don’t hear back by the end of the day you write, try contacting me again.

2) This upcoming weekend is Daylight Savings, which means you must set your clock an hour forward on Saturday night. If you fail to do so, you will arrive an hour late for the game, thus causing me great organizational grief, and even worse, making you appear like a dufus extraordinaire to all of your cherished colleagues.

$2 for the field/See ya Sunday….Raymond 845-7552

Softball: IMPORTANT!! CHANGE OF VENUE!

Friday 1:30

Dear People,

When I went to pick up the reservation slip a while ago, my beloved contact at Berkeley Parks and Rec told me Codornices had been reserved by the Berkeley/Albany Girl’s Softball League, that prepubescent cabal of aerobic poseurs. Supposedly she had warned me about this a few weeks ago, which if true, is not an auspicious sign in my determined struggle against premature senility.

In any case, Sunday’s game will NOT be at Codornices, but rather at our good ’ol reliable standby, SAN PABLO #2 (corner of Oregon and Mabel, 3 blocks Northeast of corner of Ashby and San Pablo).

To save me organizational chaos, if you have already committed, could you PLEASE email me again verifying you got this so I don’t have to track you down by phone later.

5 slots still left/Don’t forget to set your clocks/See ya Sunday at 11 at San Pablo #2/Sheesh...Ray 845-7552
























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