4/10/02

Softball: The Turning Point

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s puzzling 26-14 paragon of aerobic magnificence squandered. In all candor, I’m still not sure how Andy’s team managed to so decisively eviscerate my own, though I do believe I can now identify the precise moment that birthed our doom. Indeed, game footage shows that as late as the bottom of the second, we still held a razor-thin 5-5 lead, but then, suddenly, with one out and a man on third, Broh ripped a blazing drive to deep center left, and from that second on, our team, our dignity and our world would never be the same.

Allow me to explicate; In point of fact, Mikey initially played the hit with his usual aplomb, but somehow the rocketing orb bounced off the edge of his desperately outstretched manus. Still, he quickly regained his composure, and then fearlessly scampered into the gently sloped snake-infested shrubs just beyond the periphery, in a frantic attempt to find the ball in question. Alas, though, it had already rolled matter-of-factly back on to the verdant and open expanses of center-left field, and yet Mikey, perhaps a bit too focused on the urgent task at hand, continued to spastically troll for the ball in the thick and prickly bushings where it clearly was not. Dumb.

As I stood there helplessly at first base, Broh darted from first to second and then on to third, and yet all I could do was sigh as I turned to deep center, the ball just sitting there on the grass, while our apparently deaf and oblivious hero failed to change course. And thus as the precious seconds ticked away and Broh now headed toward home, Mikey continued to crouch there as if he were picking romaine lettuce or studying our local earth worms, and worse yet, the upper third of his starkly lurid butt-crack was now exposed for all the park to see. Frankly, it was a pitiful sight, and in retrospect, I wish I had never come to the game.

Still, it’s easy to cast aspersions and assign blame, but in fairness, Mikey’s failures were tactical and not moral, and technically speaking, there was nothing in his behavior that even violated the terms of his parole. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond



4/12/02

Softball: Proof That We Exist!

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices at 11AM SHARP, but alas, there are no longer any slots left. As always, feel free to call for late cancels.

Please bring $2 for the usual expenses, and please arrive at 10:59AM AT THE LATEST, since the field is reserved by others at 1:00. Anyone arriving after 11:05 will be asked to write "My tardiness reflects a profound lack of respect for the inherent integrity of the 9-inning process," at least 10 times on the board.

A few minutes of extra sleep, or utter humiliation before your most cherished peers?; The choice is yours…..Raymond 845-7552

PS: Over the years, there have been some people on this list
---primarily cynical friends and cynical friends of friends and third cousins, twice removed of friends of friend’s cynical acquaintances, most of whom live overseas---who have gently implied that while these letters probably serve me as a mild form of emotive therapy, perhaps it’s time to get a greater grasp of reality by either returning to intensive psychoanalysis or trying out the latest generation of post-Prozac happy-pills. While I can certainly understand the skepticism, I can assure every person reading this missive that these games are not a figment of my imagination, and that in fact, I am now prepared to present overwhelming visual evidence in order to put those doubts to rest, once and for all: Softball photos

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