4/16/14

Softball: Upping the Stakes (A Somewhat Dicey Approach to the Scourge of Ineptitude)

Dear People,

Anthony's team brutally brined my own, 19-16, in 10 long and arduous innings that left me personally feeling as if I'd been reduced to a saline-battered shell of my former self. And I'm not saying that just to further milk a dubious metaphor, or even to elicit your tender sympathies-kindly though they may be-but rather to call it as I see it, no matter how utterly degrading it is to do so.

So yeah, my peeps did almost everything right, and yet as their captain, I consistently failed to lead when they needed me most. Indeed, I came to the plate five times, and each and every time I lined out to 3rd, and mostly with piss-ant rally-shattering grounders that left multiple runners stranded on base and, frankly, my own ego in the throes of its greatest crisis since Teresa Eicholz told me in 12th grade that she never wanted to go out with me again, which was really hurtful because we had never actually gone out at all (She was a confused and admittedly difficult lass, but God, she was cute as all get-out).

The point is that it would've been easy to pretend like none of this ever happened, but I've got a sudden and pernicious slump to confront, and if that means publically declaring that I'll never again fall for Jerry's two-knuckle inside slurve ball, then that's what I'm going to do. In fact, I'm going to go one step further and tell ya that if I hit another piss-ant grounder to 3rd in this weekend's upcoming match, I will not hesitate to immediately tender my resignation and return to my cherished childhood dacha by the Santa Monica Kasbah (next to the old Piggly Wiggly on Wilshire, three minutes from Teresa's house).

Sure, call me an impetuous rantipole if you must, but as one who's mastered the craft of raw self-galvanization, I look forward to calming your fears. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond



4/16/14

Softball: Another Aerobic Easter! (Our Community of Accomplishment)

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still four slots left.

Please bring $5 for the field, which for this week includes my long-awaited post-match Sermon on the Mound, featuring a somewhat speculative screed on the Judeo-Christian roots of the lingering split-finger curve ball….Raymond 845-7552

PS: If you're wondering why Ramona hasn't been playing lately, it's because she's been training for the AIDS/Lifecycle bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles (which, according to my calculations, is the cardiovascular equivalent of hitting 10,000 triples). The glorious details here!. . .

http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/ramonamartinez



PPS: With an expertise in everything from hideous green anaconda snakes to totally enchanting hummingbirds, I offer you an evolutionary biologist extraordinaire and a currently dominant softball god, and if all this doesn't add up to a life well-lived, then I don't know what. . .

http://newscenter.berkeley.edu/2014/04/03/hummingbird-evolution-soared-after-invading-south-america-22-million-years-ago/


PPPS: Two of the most fearsome hurlers in the history of this league, both tragically in their post-softball years, and yet still contributing in admittedly less significant ways . . .

http://vcresearch.berkeley.edu/news/profile/isacoff_ehud

http://www.dailycal.org/2014/04/14/new-app-takes-processing-powers-android-smartphones-contribute-scientific-research/

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