5/7/03

Softball: Leper Season

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s drizzle-laden 12-9 paragon of sensual aerobic grit. The storms came fast’n’furious that late chill mornin, and no doubt that most other peoples would have fled as soon as our lush virgin grasses began their ghastly transmogrification into a perilous gator-filled suck-swamp. Of course, we’re not like "other peoples," and thus it takes a tad more than rain, filth and cholera to get us to stop a game. Perhaps I’ve said this before, but I think it bears repeating whenever we face crises of spirit or locale; We play softball---that’s what we do.

In any case, I know what you’re thinking; You’re thinking that you’d like to know if the team that I was captaining lost for the 6th time in a row, and thus in the process, established the most pitiful streak of utter disgrace in the history of this otherwise dignified league. Well, in a certain sense, it’s really none of your damn business, and yet I’m willing to come clean because stark athletic truth is not a scarlet letter. Sure, my sad and sundry teams have now lost six times straight, and for that matter, they’ve perished in eight of the last nine games, but I think we all know that these facts are completely meaningless. And thus I have to wonder about the emerging chorus of gently spoken pre-game requests, such as "Ray, can you make nice and put me on the other team?" or "Ray, I’d love to pitch against ya, so can you put me on the other team?" or "Ray, I brought grandmama to watch, so it’s probably better if I’m on the other team" or "God, you’re such a fuckin loser; I’m playing on Frank’s side."

Perhaps the fears behind these various entreaties lie in the theory that there is somehow a "correlation" between my presence on a team and its tendency to suck. Fortunately though, I also know that most of you have done enough reading in the basic interplay between statistical derivation and the emerging science of aerobic coincidence to spot a retardo red herring when you see one. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits…Ray



5/9/03

Softball: The Official Sport of Life-Givers

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now there are still EIGHT slots left. That’s right, eight. As in 8. Ocho. 765-746, and so on. And while I have every legal and ethical right to threaten a cancellation without guarantees of a minimum quorum, I’m not going to do that this week.

For while I recognize that Sunday happens to be Mother’s Day, I would gently remind you that a sizeable plurality of baseball’s most legendary stars---from Lou Gherig to Wilt Chamberlin to Charles DeGaulle---were bore by their biological maternal units. I think you see my point.

And therefore, and for this week only, you are invited and even encouraged to commit any non-community peoples, including your mom and her mom and even your great grandmama (assuming she’s still breathing and sentient), as well as the usual array of weirdo neighbors and scornful former cell-mates.

$2 for the field, and remember, if you make be beg by phone on this particular Sunday morning, you’re dissing the memory of Mrs. Gertrude Gherig, and to be honest, I just think that would be in totally poor taste …Raymond 845-7552

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