5/21/03
Softball: The Majestic Force of Equalizing Rules
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s splendid 10-inning 19-14 paragon of taut competitive theatre, replete as it was with bone-chilling moments of such stark athletic pulchritude that I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it. Yes, my team lost, but we fought like noble rats scurrying from the venomous mouth of a big ’ol rattle-viper, and in the end, our loss was so steeped in dignity that I get teary-eyed again just thinking about it. I guess I get teary-eyed a lot, but for what it’s worth, I’m not ashamed to draw from my copious reserves of feminine inner-spleen.
In any case, if there was one particular play that captured the mystic beauty of this cherished sport, it was in the bottom of the 9th with one out and the score tied at 14. Big, bad ’n’ burly Broh was primed for just about any hit to trigger his game-winning sprint from 3rd to home when Ramona suddenly drilled a tepid-ass grounder toward the right of 2nd. The tension was unbearable, and time suddenly froze in place as Broh seized his destiny, and while I initially feared the worst, I suddenly realized that the only thing between my team and victory was Nanci and her tiny little catcher’s mitt! Life was good, and as Broh barreled down that baseline, I figured that given everything I’d seen in the past three years, the odds of her actually catching the throw to home were about 1 in 600,000.
Of course the future is unwritten, and thus in one of the most defining moments in the history of our league, Nanci snared the ball clean just before Broh reached the commit line! The Nanciator is certainly no cowering waif, but I was still in awe of the raw power that her mere possession of the ball entailed, for she soon controlled the fate of the entire game with nothing more than that orb in her glove and her foot on the plate; It was an uncanny display of transcendent authority, and it was made all the more eerie by the curious sight of Broh’s panicked face and well-marbled buttocks in full and ghastly retreat.
When viewed in broad perspective, I believe the whole incident was a sublime testament to the majesty of law in sport, and thus right after the game, I cell-phoned Nanci’s mom in New Jersey to tell her that her daughter had basically won the match for her team, and that even though we were on opposing sides, I was not bitter. "Mama" I says, I says "I’m so proud of your Nancipooh for forcing that big’n’ burly Broh back, back to where he once belong". Sure enough, I then got all veklempt and teary-eyed, because unlike most of you, I’m not ashamed to draw from my copious reserves of feminine inner-spleen. And therefore there will be a game at Codorncies this Sunday at 11, FOLLOWED BY a post-game pot-luck barbecue at Ehud’s newly purchased North Berkeley chateau (bigger than a shoe-box and under $10 Trillion!!), IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray
PS: When committing for the game, please let me know if you’re also coming to the Barbie (and whether you’re bringing any non-playing guests). The Huud will provide Hibachi grills and coal as well as the fertile back yardage of his new abode. Everyone else should bring their own meat and booze, and you should also inform me of your proposed communal contribution in order to assure culinary balance. I suggest one of the various necessities, such as buckets of ice, paper plates and utensils, sodas, salads, brownies, raw veggies, sweet virgin corn, fine breads and cheeses and if feeling frisky, a duet of pan-seared quail & lean Canadian ostrich loin with wild mushroom and truffle Bordelaise sauce.
5/22/03
Softball: Your All-American Post-Escrow Sport
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, all slots are taken. There will also be a post-game barbecue at Ehud’s new North Berkeley abode, which is nestled among the lush cacti and mature guava-bearing cocoa trees of San Pedro Avenue, and I’m not writing that just because I happened to have read a lot of moronic Realtor’s English in the last few months.
In any case, to get to San Pedro from the park, you would go back to Shattuck and head toward Solano through the tunnel, continue for about a quarter-mile and then turn right on Colusa, and then after two blocks, turn right again on San Pedro. I can’t remember the exact address and it’s now too late to call the Huud, but it’s about the 7th house on the left, with an adorable banner on the front lawn which says "30 Years of Crushing Debt; Park Here!" Park there.
Please bring $2 for the field and your communal contribution if going to the Barbie. Commitments in that area have been a tad nondescript (ranging from "sauce" to "stuff"), so a select few may be called on to visit the Solano Safeway….Raymond 845-7552
BACK