6/19/02:

Softball: The Subtle Erosion of Adjectival Borders

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s calamitous 20-19 paragon of lost-on-the-last-hit aerobic resplendency. I’m not going to prevaricate here; The simple fact is that my failure to be on the first base pad as Franklin’s perfect throw reached my mitt with a two out 19-18 lead in the bottom of the 9th was a clear proximate cause of my team’s subsequent defeat, and for that, I stand naked and splayed before you. Nevertheless, the hard reality is that between the 2nd and 5th innings, Jen failed to stop no fewer than four up-the-middle grounders, all of which even the most sedated livestock would have most certainly snagged. Thus, I think that if we have to choose a poster-child for dispositive ineptitude, hers is the cherubic face that most justifiably cries out for that roll.

Now look, I know that sounds harsh, but we live in an athletically demanding era, and in fairness, I am hardly as severe as the New York Times’ Jere Longman, who, writing Saturday of the US Soccer Team’s 3-1 defeat to Poland, opined that "[The US] cannot expect to prevail against Mexico with this kind of insipid defense, especially not with the feckless play of Jeff Agnos, whose deficiency has figured in nearly every goal the Americans have surrendered in this global championship."

Well, the joke is on ’ol Jere-breath himself, given that the US went on to beat Mexico 2-0. Regardless, the real point is that while Jen’s performance may have indeed been as feckless as that pitiful Agnostic goalie’s, it was in fact her very presence that not only steered us from creeping insipiositude, but rendered our entire infield as vibrant and shamelessly sapid as any of the modern age. And therefore, there will be a game this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray


PS: I will most likely be organizing a game at 11 on either Thursday, the 4th of July, or Sunday, July 7th, but not on both days. If you have a preference, let me know. If you’re a regular and you know you can’t make one or both of those dates, that would also be helpful info. If you live in some weirdo place like Tajikistan or Livermore, have no intention of ever being anywhere near Berkeley, do not even know what softball is, and are on this list only because, for example, your distant American cousin’s carnal play-thing knows the liposuctionist of some guy who once frolicked with us two years ago, well, all I can tell you is that your input would be the most influential and cherished of all.


6/20/02

Softball: Readings

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still FOUR slots left.

Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes a complimentary one year subscription to either TV Guide, Martha Stewart Living or The UCLA Journal of Medieval Bovine History….Ray 845-7552

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