7/1/15

Softball: Ninofreude (Your official 5th-of-July Sport!)

Dear People,

My team pan-fried Jim's, 31-17, in one of those somewhat unsightly displays of how the collapse of a single defensive singularity can obliterate the meticulously calibrated path to roster equilibrium. I refer you, of course, to James, a noble and strapping youth, a college buddy of Eli's, and, according to certain pre-match scouting reports, an athlete extraordinaire who might be “a bit rusty in softball.” In fact, the Jamester made his community debut with both clarity and conviction, though his calamitous performance in right did suggest a well-intended chap whose endearing orbiphobia hints at skill-sets that are perhaps less conducive to softball then they are to fresh-water trout-fishing. Yeah, that's a harsh assessment, but he's not on this mailing list and I have to call it like I see it, and regardless, with a few short years of exposure therapy, I see the rust-free promise of limitless abstract potential. Sort of.

The point is that we're an inclusive aerobic republic by both birth and temperament, and as such, I found myself somewhat confused by Justice Jerktonin Scalia's recent assertion that the Court had become “a threat to American Democracy” merely because it declared that the Constitution's equal protection clause guarantees gay people the right to marry. Now, perhaps I'm as jurisprudentially clueless as I am athletically mediocre, but for some reason, I tend to think that stopping Presidential elections in mid-recount or voiding all laws that try to limit the impact of a handful of billionaire's from buying those same Presidential elections, may---among several dozen other Scalizions---more seriously reflect a potential threat to the actual health of the democracy in question. Ya know, just maybe.

I mention all this because our league has always been intertwined with the broader democratic milieu in which we play, and that's especially relevant now since this upcoming weekend marks the 239th anniversary of the ratification of the Declaration of Independence (give or take a month). So naturally I wasn't going to bother organizing a game this week so that we could spend the holiday figuring out ways to save our nation from all those Godless homophilic commie jurists, but then I started thinking about what I wrote all of you on this very day back in 1998, when we ourselves were a fledgling experiment in recreational self-governance. And while I'm obviously not going to plagiarize myself as if I were some pitiful narrative narcissist, I do think it's worth considering what I actually did say all those years ago. . .

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As the 4th approaches, I am reminded of the intense pressures that Jefferson, Adams and Franklin must have felt when they decided to pen that most momentous of definitive divorces, their very lives at stake as cunning little fish 'n chips eating British troops scampered throughout the Pennsylvania bush. These intrepid and indefatigable revolutionaries would have no doubt given anything to play an exciting game of softball, but stuck as they were in the 18th century, they had to settle for yeoman farming and really boring arguments about the nature of mercantilism. I think you see my point. Make that commit. Do it for the children. Do it now. Indeed, the line from Alexander Hamilton to Jackie Robinson to all of you is the very essence of the American experience. . .

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Yeah, I still get teary-eyed when I read that, because 17 years later, I still value historiography that's as stirring as it is accurate, and frankly, I think that's something that all red-blooded Americans can appreciate, from James to Jefferson to Jackie to Jerktonin. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning . . . Raymond

7/3/15

Softball: Just North of Local

DearPeople,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still two slots left.

Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes my long-awaited post-match walking tour of the culture, cuisine and cell towers of the El Cerrito Plaza . . . Raymond 845-7552

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