7/6/05

Softball: Brave New World

Dear People,

My team edged past Ellen’s 11-10, after rallying from the dark and frightful abyss of a 5th inning 9-1 deficit. Naturally, all of my players were heroic in their own tiny little ways, and history will certainly record that. Still, and in all modest candor, I believe that our breathtaking comeback was so totally way cool because of my own TWO triples—deep rocketing blasts of sublime Newtonian RBI-laden sensuality. Of course I suppose you’re now all wondering what I had for breakfast that fateful morning. Well, just my usual bowl of kibble, liver and kale, but at the risk of sounding presumptuous, perhaps y’all should try it.

In any case, we in the softball community are once again faced with a deeply vexing moral issue that has seeped in from the broader society, and while I certainly don’t want to burden you, I think it’s worthy of your contemplative toilet time. As you know, I’m not a real big fan of babies, and more specifically, I think that virtually any newborn mammal is about a billion times cuter than its human equivalent (save, perhaps, the possum). Having said that, though, I believe in playing by the rules, and have always stated that any peoples of adolescent age or older are welcome to join us.

Given all this, our actual problem is found on the first page of Tuesday’s Chron, which tracks the stirring life of a certain Laina Beasley. She was born this past January, but was actually conceived in a petri dish in 1992, and thus she has spent the last dozen years as a frozen two-celled softball-craving embryo (an apparent record for pre-thawed tykeage). The dilemma is that I have always deeply believed that true aerobic life begins when the little spermie meets egg, and thus while Laina looks, walks and quacks like just any another annoying infant, under our rules she is already eligible to play outfield.

Now sure, I can hear a few of the cynics amongst you making snide remarks about Terri’s more troubled outings in right, and that ultimately, it wouldn’t make much difference if Laina joined the party. Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, I think you all understand that we live on the cusp of biotech’s golden age, and that well beyond the realm of your garden-variety test-tube feti, there will soon be more and more clones, semi-sentient robots, and newly revived six-century-old cryonic human-things scampering about to find their inner-athlete. And yes, because we will always be there for them, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond

7/7/05

Softball: Your Escape the World Sport

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11 and as of now it is full, but you are welcome to contact me later to see if there are any cancels. $2 for the field/See ya then…Raymond 845-7552

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