Softball: Mel (Your Totally Current In-Vino-Veritas Sport)
Dear People,
Let history show that when we arrived at Codornices last Sunday—innocent, chipper and dry—we immediately found a veritable crud-laden suck-swamp in both left and center fields. Even worse, the city’s mechanically dumb-ass sprinkler system continued to flood the grass, the park and our very dreams for aerobic release. Frankly, it was a calamity of such overwhelming proportion that any other peoples would’ve instantaneously fled into the adjacent Berkeley woods, if for no other reason than to just drown their sorrows in the locally grown hashish. Of course, we’re not like other peoples.
By embracing a rarefied medieval blend of softball, qigong and freshwater trout fishing, we showed the world that raw determination can overcome any obstacle, no matter how retarded it is to try. In the end, my team staved off Chris Fure’s, 15-12, but the real heroes were the left and left-center fielders of both teams, who risked malaria, typhoid and the inevitable sacrifice of their own dignity. Indeed, Sonny and Jeff W. emerged particularly soaked and muddied, and by the time it was over, they both looked as if they had just made angry love to a cackle of pissed off octopi.
Now look, I know that’s a kind of lurid thing to say, but I can assure you that’s not me talking, but rather the two bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade I just imbibed not more than 30 minutes ago. So stop with the speculations on what a pervo I am, because the reality is that I’m not only not a pervo, but even in my drunken state, I still believe that most octo-limbed marine life is Hebraic, peace-loving and utterly monogamous. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
8/4/06
Softball: Entomology
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still two slots left.
Please bring $3 for the field, which I can personally assure you will be dry, mowed and thriving with literally 500 trillion corn-leaf aephids, each one with its own dreams, fears and tiny little personality…Ray