8/13/03
Softball: Why we Keep our Own
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s riveting 9-8 display of sublime pitching prowess and frisky competitive excellence. True, there were those on Mike Davy’s side who seemed to imply that our 3rd inning replacement ball had a mushy outer coring, and that this in itself explained both the low score and their ultimate demise as a team. While this may make for jolly banter and the whiff of aerobic scandal, I categorically reject such base speculation, and point to three distinct strands of disarming counter-evidence:
1) The logic behind this charge seems strained at best, given both contingents would be subjected to the orb’s supposed mushitude.
2) It was Darryl, playing on Mike’s team, who hit the original brand new game ball into the upper branches of that magnificent oak (or pine, or birch or whatever it is---in the end, it’s just a tall and useless stick), thus forcing us to play with ball #2. His hit was, of course, an act of undeniable idiocy that did nothing for the tone of the game, but when all is said and done, it gave no advantage to either side.
3) I personally was on fire at the plate, and but for my inability to run "faster," I would have had the first grand slam of my otherwise meaningless middle years. The fact that I was called out at home does not detract from my three RBI’s, and regardless, when I look back on the contact I made with that wondrous pitch of destiny, I felt that ball was as tight and pristine as Britney Spears before that cutesy cad Timberlake corrupted her forever. OK, that was totally lewd, lurid and gratuitous, and if my typewriter had white-out, I would retract it. But It doesn’t, so deal with it.
In any case, I will soon be in a far and distant land, and will not be back until Sunday afternoon. Given this, I was going to tell you that there would be no game this week, but then it suddenly occurred to me that Sunday is in fact the 101st anniversary of that fateful sultry day when the fabulous Kip Selbach became the first and last outfielder in the history of professional baseball to make FIVE errors in a single game! As most of you probably know, the Kipster was playing Left Field for the fledgling Baltimore Orioles in a ferocious grudge match against the pernicious St. Louis Browns, when for reasons that are not entirely clear, he suddenly began to suck, and suck badly (Think Jen, of Jen and Mikie, but in the context of a professional game with 30,000 maniacal and bitter fans).
Of course Kippie’s legend only grew, and two years later, he became the first outfielder in the history of the majors to be charged with three errors in a single INNING! That occurred when he was with the Washington Senators, in a brutally fought 7-4 loss to the New York Yankees, on June 23rd, 1904. Personally, I think these things just happen, but the ungrateful Senators had seen enough, and thus several days later, Suckbach was traded to the Boston Red Sox in exchange for Bill "the monkey" O’Neill.
Well, the joke was on Washington, cause later that season, this overrated simian freak became the only shortstop in major league history to commit SIX errors in a single game! The Kipster, however, went on to serve Boston with both honor and integrity, showing me once again, why, despite all the pressure I consistently get, I will simply never trade Terri or Nanci to other unaffiliated email organized leagues. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 5:00PM, which is like 11AM except that it’s SIX HOURS LATER, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
8/15/03
Softball: Poisson
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at *5.00*, and as of now, there are still four slots left.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only, includes a provocative post-game melange of squid, cuttlefish and other locally harvested cephalopods.....Raymond 845-7552 [Not back home until Sunday/Use email until then]
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