8/16/06

Softball: The Inherent Risk of Replacement Parts (Redux)

 Dear People,

With Chris Fure’s team trailing 22-13 and down to their very last out in the bottom of the 9th, a consortium of British casinos placed the odds of them going on to defeat my own team at about 25,000 to 1. Alas, those venal limey bastards were vindicated, but only after the greatest rally in the history of our community was rendered utterly moot, 23-22, in 10 heartbreaking innings. Pity.

Now look, I know what you’re thinking; You’re thinking “What kind of pitcher gives up a nine-run lead with one out left in the entire game?” Well, if you’d be so kind, allow me to provide some proper narrative context in which to validate the basic human goodness of the failure in question.

For the first eight innings, Ira (the failure in question) had played rover with nearly deistic execution, acting as a flawless orb-sucking machine in both outfield and infield alike. And yet as we prepared for the inevitable coup de grace, he still asked me with characteristic humility if he could complete his athletic dream by returning to the knuckle, curve and sinker balls of his distant little-league youth. In all candor, I was hesitant to take Alan Brill off the mound, because once I did, he would be, by law, out for the entire inning. But then the Irameister looked up at me with those gorgeous Hebraic blue corneas, and made his utterly compelling case: “Look Ray, it’s the 9th inning, we’re up by nine, and I know how to pitch; What’s the problem?”

In retrospect, of course, the problem was that Ira knows how to pitch about as well as I know how to perform vascular surgery, and thus the hemorrhaging only stopped after Chris’ side scored nine runs on one hit, one error and about 25,000 walks. Still, his contribution to the broader scheme of life’s rich aerobic pageant is simply unparalleled, and I’m not saying that just because he’s now inspired an entirely new generation of legally blind athletes.

No, without this towering symbol of skill-set over-reach, Don would’ve never pitched the last out in the 9th, Nanci would’ve never made the final game-winning catch in the 10th, and of course Alan would’ve never become the first and only pitcher in the history of softball to get both the win and the save in a single game. So yeah, go ahead and think ‘goat’ if you want, but I happen to believe that Ira is the greatest hero of derivative destiny to ever play this sport, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray

PS: For those who cherish the recurrent nature of history: http://eslnotes.com/ray/041305.html




8/18/06

Softball: Radio

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still three slots left.

Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only includes complimentary play-by-play coverage of the game itself, in your choice of either Gaelic or Latin…Raymond 845-7552

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