10/4/06

Softball: Lungs of Steal

Dear People,

Chris Fure's team stunned my own, 29-22, in a grueling display of ceaseless Newtonian pounding that redefined the limits of raw batting supremacy. Of course, no player was more awesome than Matt, who slammed a double, two triples and THREE sky-high homeruns so frightfully deep into the yak-laden tundra beyond dead center field that I found myself wondering if gravity itself had suddenly thrown in the towel. Yeah, I happen to like my metaphors seeped in the subtle abstractions of classical physics, and I'm simply not going to apologize for that.

In any case, the Mattmeister's performance was one for the record books, and nothing can take that away from him. Yet as the game progressed, I suddenly realized what it was that consistently gives him that incomparable edge at the plate. It's not his bulging biceps or rugged good looks, intimidating as those are. No, my friends, the hard reality is that he is the ONLY unabashed chain smoker in our entire community, and while we may not like it, his vice is clearly advantageous, salubrious and not against the rules.

Moreover, as he savored one of those long, fragrant and sensual inter-inning puffs, I couldn't help but notice that his American Spirit ciggies were not only made from 100% additive-free natural tobacco, but that on the back of the carton itself, it clearly states additive-free smokes are especially recommended for "Runners, Gymnasts and other Serious Athletes." Personally, I tend to shy away from the more common carcinogenics, but I'm also perfectly capable of separating mere coincidence from the irrefutable interplay of cause and effect. Yes, I do correlations.

So sure, you guys can all ignore Matt's legacy of power-hitting dominance, but I for one plan to finally break out from our tyranny of medical correctness. Indeed, I will soon follow his lead, light up a fresh menthol with pride, and swing for the fences. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray


10/6/06

Softball: Publicity

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now, there are still four slots left.

Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only includes my personal pledge that all of your errors, dropped balls and strikeouts will be filmed, edited for clarity and lovingly put on YouTube by the end of the day….Ray 845-7552

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