10/05/05

Softball: Another in a Series of Potentially Elusive Recruits

Dear People,

Nanci and Ehud co-captained their team to a nearly flawless 19-10 triumph, proving once again that nothing is more aerobically synergistic than neuronal proteins and a really cool perm. My side, on the other hand, floundered pitifully from the get-go, and while I’d like to say that others were to blame, the hard reality is that I was the creator, captain and metaphorical pa of my entire team, and as such, I accept the acrid taint of full responsibility.

Having said that, though, the roots of our failure can hardly be pinned on me, and while I’m obviously not going to cast athletic aspersions, I would gently suggest that in "misjudging" about 25 fly balls in a row, Dave Katz may have played a somewhat unhelpful role in center-left field. Now look, Katzy has been a stalwart giant of this community since its very founding eight years ago (with the possible exception of a brief hiatus from ’98 to ’04), and in that entire time, I have never seen a pair of human eyeballs with more focus, beauty or raw depth perception than his. Of course, the world changes, and in all candor, I now believe that at least last Sunday, Mr. Carrot Juice was legally blind.

In any case, just a few minutes ago I was sitting around uninspired by the universe when I started to read the latest issue of Newsweek about the travails of Tom Delay, and the curious Travis County Prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, who is apparently out to skewer Tommy’s sorry little ass. As you know, these missives are not political or even cultural in nature (I organize softball games—that’s all I do), and yet I do believe it’s imperative that I quote Newsweek verbatim, so that we as a softball-playing people know exactly what the honorable House Slimeority Leader is actually up against:


"A self-styled scourge of political corruption, Earle does not just chase after Republicans. He has prosecuted leading Democrats and even once indicted himself on a misdemeanor charge for failing to properly file campaign-finance reports."


Again, this is Newsweek, not The Onion. The point is that even though we still have a moratorium on male recruits, I simply must make an exception for Mr. Earle, since I happen to believe that if there is anybody who is likely to hit hard, field clean and ump every pitch with the rectitude of the Lord, it’s going to be a straight-shootin’ Texan District Attorney who isn’t afraid to indict himself. So yes, gripe if you must, but the bottom line is that this towering symbol of integrity run amuck is always welcome to join us. And therefore there will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond



10/7/05

Softball: Anyone (Within Reason)

Dear People,

There will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still seven slots left. This means you are once again invited to commit anybody you know, because unlike those liberal Hollywood elitist leagues, we embrace the unvarnished hoi polloi.

Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only includes my special pre-game lecture on Bones of the Upper Extremities…Raymond

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