10/17/12

Softball: Suffrage (Another Brief Foray into the Free Beer Problem)

Dear People,

Chris Fure's team shot out to an unconscionable opening lead in one of those chaos-laden beanos of stirring aerobic drama, and indeed, the unsightly early innings were so ghastly for my contingent that I actually considered a preemptive face-saving surrender after we plunged into a 4th-inning 19-5 deficit. Fortunately, though, I'm also a captain of often compelling sagacity, and while I grieve for the dignity of the human spirit whenever I have to switch hurlers in mid-evisceration, I had no choice but to toss Steve “Battered Boy” Bedrick after he served up just one too many slammable cans of fresh blue corn. Sure enough, Mike Davey quickly stanched the bleeding with his uncanny blend of focus, sneers and gangnam-style curve balls, yet the ultimate moral triumph of our ensuing multi-inning rally was somewhat tempered by the fact that we still went down, and down hard, 21-16.

And yet despite the inevitable despair of such a bittersweet loss, I'm grateful to simply be alive and in one healthy piece after a stark 6th-inning incident in which I dodged a bone-crushing collision with nary an instant to spare. Let the record show that Nicholas, my cherished 2nd cousin and a towering symbol of Australian economic scholarship, was playing only the second softball game of his rich and storied life when he apparently “misinterpreted” one of the vital safety rules that have always kept fatal injuries to an acceptable minimum within our league. Specifically, and as best I can tell, Nicky failed to grasp what I actually meant when I told him that if he ever got a hit, he was to run “to the side of first base in order to avoid injuries.”

I guess I had sort of assumed it was beyond interpretive ambiguity that said side referred to the out of bounds territory to the right, and yet there I was, minding my own business, innocently standing next to first and waiting for the throw-back from shallow center when I sensed an oncoming freight train approaching me from behind. As I turned, I suddenly saw the Nickolator barreling toward me at totally full speed, and as his panicked Aussie eyeballs bulged from their sockets, I realized that I had less than a second to jump from the trajectory of our lethal Newtonian destinies. Time seemed to freeze as we both screamed out like randy bobcats in heat, but thankfully the medulla oblongata of my sympathetic nervous system was in exceptionally fine fiddle, and thus an appalling familial tragedy was cleanly avoided. Yeah, I still plan to sue.

The point is that there are all kinds of risks that we assume whenever we engage in the grand panoply of rigorous competitive sport, yet for every game for over 15 years running, this community has stood up to the peril and followed their aerobic hearts. I mean, sure, I got backup binders full of women and foreigners and students and even undecided Ohio-based Walmart dads if you fine people decide to all flee at once, but I happen to believe that you're still with me, and that's even if I don't promise to fulfill every one of your impossible and pitifully contradictory desires. And therefore there will be a game at Grove Park this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning. . .Raymond

PS: Garden Nuts of the East Bay: My favorite 47 percenter. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbHAlQco1zo&sns=em

PPS: Debate #2: Plus ça change. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=N3aO_s0Yuv8


10/19/11

Softball: Immoderation

Dear People,

There will be a game at Grove Park this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now there are still four slots left.

Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes complimentary valet parking and 1,000-thread-count sateen sheets on all dugout benches for the duration of the match….Ray 845-7552

PS: The Somewhat Dubious Sagacity of our Bozo Founders, # 57C:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHEDXzOfENI

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